• Sarah-Jan Outten

Why Turning 40 Improved my Sex Life

Well maybe not actually turning 40. I’m sure as I headed through my late 30’s it got better. And if you’re not there yet and you’re filled with fear at the thought of aging, I’m here to tell you, you have nothing to worry about. Last night my husband and I had sex. Actually, we had awesome sex. Which for a week day and kids at home is really quite something; let alone the fact that we are both 41. I feel it only right that I be totally honest with you at this point and say that my body looks nothing like it did in my twenties.

I know, you’re shocked, right? No, of course you aren’t, because those digits are going up for all of us, while everything else is heading south. It’s all part and parcel of aging and for many women and having children has had a massive impact.

Our tits have changed shape, size and location. Our bellies maybe rounder, lower, softer, scarred or stretched out of their original form. Thighs that rub together, and arms that call Bingo! Personally, my hair is thinner and I suck up moisturising products like a sponge. Not even my vagina has become immune to the desert like conditions. It’s a real challenge to accept what’s happening. You might relate to all or parts of the above, either way, changes happen. And okay, I admit, it’s not ideal, but I’ve decided to embrace them. Because not accepting what and who I am would be a living hell and it would make my life an utter bore. I got to my forties a hell of a lot faster than I anticipated, so I’m not about to waste the next forty years worrying about my sagging bangers.

When I think back to my sex life in my twenties, it was very different, and compared to now – a bit shit frankly. Without question I had a better body. I was and still am a plus size, but I was generally firmer all over. However, I lacked confidence. Strategic lighting, fresh mascara and awkward sexual position all became part and parcel of my routine. I don’t think I ever embarked on the cowgirl position without leaning back as far as I possibly could; just so I could stretch my tummy out to the flattest I could get it. I’ve since learnt that leaning forward is way more fun. Just think of all those wasted orgasm opportunities! These days I hop on top and happily allow everything to jiggle. If you’re reading this and thinking you’re not at this point in your life, I urge you to make your way there as soon as possible.

I get it, it’s not easy. Society and the media would have us believe that aging is unattractive. Women over 40 aren’t seen enough on television or in films. And many of the women over 40 seen it advertisements are either holding a Tenna lady or a vacuum cleaner. Even the women in advertisements for sanitary products are usually under thirty. Linking fertility to younger women, which is a real issue for women, considering so many of us are having children later in life. The same applies to clothing and cosmetic advertisements, it seems the majority are aimed at women under thirty; with some retailers now using mature women in advertisements such as Lorraine Kelly. But there is a huge gap in the middle, where are the all the women in their forties? You may not have noticed as we have become so used to invisibility. But it is exactly this kind of thing that influences how we see ourselves. Why are we being forgotten when it comes to feeling desirable, validated, sexy and attractive. Where are the other body confident forty plus women for us to admire and to provide inspiration? They are few and far between.

So, it’s up to us, the forty something brigade, to allow ourselves to feel good, attractive, strong and sexual. It’s not about embracing flaws, it’s about not seeing these amazing things that happen to our bodies as flaws. How could a body that has created life and/or got through the last forty odd years be anything less than perfect?

If you haven’t found the freedom of forty something yet and your feeling less attractive than you did in your twenties, think again. You are at the sexiest time of your life to date; the best is yet to come.

There is nothing to prove, no expectations and not giving a fuck is wonderfully liberating.

Check out Sarah's blog on: thesjedit.wordpress.com

#sex #forties #ageing #sexafterkids #confession #confidence

1,341 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All