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Box Sets Ate My Relationship

June 22, 2017

For years my partner and I watched box sets to avoid sex. I counted up how many hours of telly we had watched over the year and it was depressing. The Killing, the Killing Two, The Killing Three, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, The Wire and a dozen weird sci-fi ones with acting worse than Hollyoaks. 

 

 

This was partly because after a day of looking after the kids I felt as sexy as Spongebob. And because of my diastis recti, at the end of the day my stomach would look 6 months pregnant. And I couldn't be fucked to fuck. I couldn't really be fucked to brush my teeth and get into my pjs but I was able to pull my last morsel of energy out of the bag and get my arse into bed. 

 

And, at that point, my arse and fanny and boobs wanted to be left alone. And I felt my husband was on the same page. We happily put on episode after episode until we were drunk with television and would finally turn out the light at about 1 am. We woke up tired, of course, and just that much more distant. Although we didn't realise this for years. 

 

 

Now because this isn't the Daily Mail I'm not saying that Box Sets should be banned or that they give you cancer. I am just saying watch out for them. Sex isn't the be all and end all BUT it is a barometer for how you are as a couple. If you've both, happily, agreed that you don't want to be physical with each other then of course this doesn't apply. But if you still have a sexual dynamic then I urge you to just keep half an eye out for the Box Set Bald Patch. 

 

If you answer yes to these questions then perhaps ponder upon cancelling yourNetflix account and actually reading together or talking or touching eachother under the plaid pjs. 

 

1) 10/10 times I would rather watch telly than have sex

2) I am so bored with my sex life that I would rather fold laundry

3) Game of Thrones is the most erotic thing in my life currently

 

Shall I get the Netflix customer service number for you?

 

 

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