So there is sometimes a lot of pressure on us to feel sexy and look sexy and talk sexy. And the truth of the matter is that feeling sexy is a complex thing. It's often to do with the time of the month, how we feel about our bodies and whether we have enough juice in the tank (so to speak). However there are a few things you can do to give yourself a head start.
Here's our top five...
When we last checked, there wasn't a law saying women weren't allowed to watch porn and yet...it can feel taboo. The other thing is some porn can feel at odds with our feminist values especially when it depicts women as creatures who orgasm whenever they lay eyes on a penis. But there is a LOT of porn available (like really. A LOT) and hopefully you'll find something that turns you on. Also check out Erika Lust (www.erikalust.com). She was tired of the world of male-centric porn so set about making her own porn films (and they are pretty good and feel a bit more real in the way they showcase female sensuality).
Stop hating on your body
Yes we are women. Yes we all have hang ups about our bodies. If you've had kids, then these hang ups can become more pronounced. Try and remember that your body if amazing. Even the saggy bits are amazing. Say positive stuff to yourself and don't feed the constant treadmill of neurosis. It's really hard to feel sexy if you always visualise yourself as a human dough ball.
Try sex toys
The world of sex toys is mind boggling and they've come a long way from the Rampant Rabbit in Sex And The City. Do some research and if you're too embarrassed to go into a shop, buy something online. These days you can even buy sex toys from Amazon (and they won't turn up in a giant, dildo shaped package and be delivered to your neighbour by mistake- honest!)
Woody Allen once said 'Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone you love,' and he was right. Often the more you masturbate, the more you want to masturbate. Again women are made to feel awkward about this area as if it's somehow abnormal to explore our own bodies. But masturbation can work wonders (try the website OMGYes for inspiration and tips - it's 40 quid well spent we feel).
The best things about having sex fantasies is that anything can happen. Okay in reality it's unlikely that you'll meet Dave Grohl and he'll go down you you whilst you're playing drums on the next Foo Fighters album but theWHOLE point of a fantasy is that you can shape it to fit your desires. And don't worry too much about what you fantasise about either. Sometimes your mind can throw up some weird stuff and it's fine. Really. It is.
So there's a quick tool kit to start feeling sexy. None of it involves anything too athletic or high energy. And you might just find that you enjoy this feeling sexy business and it doesn't feel like too much bother at all.