Clemmie Telford (@clemmie_telford) is a freelance Creative Strategist at Facebook & Instagram. She’s also a top blogger and writer of lists at Mother of All Lists.com. She’s Mum to 2 boys; Bertie (4), Woody (2.5). Today she tells us all about ‘finding time’ for your other half, how tough it can be to prioritise snogging when you're pooped and how a cup of tea is often preferable to a bunk up.
So hi Clemmie, thanks for taking part in ‘My Hotbed Life’. Let’s kick things off by asking what you've got planned for the future?
Well I’ve got a couple of big projects brewing- the first is a baby! It’ll be due the beginning of next year. I’m currently pretty much in denial about the reality of THREE kids. But also super excited to extend the gang. This poor little human has no idea of the mad house it’s being born into!
I’m also working on a book proposal. I don’t want to say too much about it just in case nobody wants to publish it! But I hope they do. Writing a book is a life-long dream and I’d love the chance to put all my thoughts in one place. Fingers crossed!
What do you think is the biggest challenge when it comes to relationships once you become parents?
All of it. Parenting completely messes with your relationship zen. Impromptu drinks, a cheeky dinner in a nice restaurant, a lazy morning spent reading papers and drinking coffee. All those nice bits of ‘together time’ that you took for granted suddenly disappear. Worse still they get replaced with exhaustion and monosyllabic conversations in front of the TV in your PJ’s.
Suddenly you have to ‘find time’ for your relationship. Which is a) the sort of statement that the used to make my skin crawl pre-kids. b) Is challenging especially in those early months when you can barely find time for basic personal hygiene let a lot a passionate snog.
It ain’t all bad. Seeing your partner flourish as a parent is one of the most attractive things ever.
We discovered in our survey that many parents are unhappy with their sex lives- why do you think this is?
Time and tiredness. Parenting is exhausting and relentless (whilst being amazing obvs). If you do find yourself with a spare five minutes you'd probably opt for a cup of tea and a sit down than a bonk.
It’s true. Tea often feels more appealing when you’re knackered. So what kind of advice would you offer parents or people generally?
Quit the comparison. Don't assume everyone else is still shagging like the cast of ‘Love Island’. They aren’t. And that’s ok. What isn’t ok is totally giving-up on ‘sexy time’ -ha! Cringe.
Sometimes you’ve got to make yourself do it. Even if it's the last thing you fancy and you put your pjs back on as soon as you've done the deed. You’ll always be glad you did. AND it really does do wonders for your relationship. For us more sex = less nagging and less bickering.
And what about your fave position, do you have one?
Anything with the lights off! That's not very empowered is it? But it's the truth. I'd rather focus on getting in the moment than be worried about my saggy flapping boobs.
Can you tell us a bit about your worst sexual experience?
Too many to mention. Those early days of being fingered were pretty horrifying weren't they? Makes me shudder. Thank goodness things have improved significantly since then!
What advice would you give to your kids in terms of having healthy relationships and a healthy sex life?
Follow your instinct. This rule applies to everything. If he/she makes you feel worse about yourself not better then move on. Sex and relationships take work but fundamentally if you've got the right person then it should be easy.
And prior to that, when you are young, just go do it! Explore. Have fun. Don't worry about being judged. Follow your lust!
As long as you are safe and don't mess anyone around then just have a good time.
Life is short and sex is good.