Swingers clubs, adult parties, play parties or just a good, old fashioned orgy. Whatever you call them, sex parties are becoming mainstream (check out this Metro article for instance), and more people are curious about what used to be a scene shrouded in taboo. For me, the attraction lies in the freedom to unleash my inner seductress and get a little kinky in a safe space. When I first started going to play parties I got mixed reactions from my friends; they were surprised, curious, a little sceptical and strangely fascinated by what goes on. If you’re thinking about dipping into a party, here are some FAQs troubleshooted:
1. What happens inside a sex club?
Contrary to popular belief, there’s a lot to do inside a sex club besides having sex. Most organised parties like Torture Garden, Killing Kittens or Heaven Circle have anything from sexy cabaret and burlesque dancers, to hot tubs or sauna rooms, to fetish entertainment like shibari or spanking performances. Sparkle Hard parties are known to have glitter wrestling, or so I’ve heard…
2. Who approaches who?
A common misconception is that sex parties are male dominated and aggressive. From my experience of both commercial parties and private soirees this is definitely not the case. Most organisations like Killing Kittens enforces a ‘girl approaches guy’ rule, and single men can’t attend a party alone – so in fact, these parties are more female led than male. Put it this way, I’ve probably been treated with more respect whilst scantily clad at a sex party than I have been when wearing a bodycon dress in a busy bar.
3. Do I have to have sex?
The short answer is no. There is absolutely no pressure to have sex, and as with any other situation, the principle of enthusiastic consent applies – if it’s a yes, make sure it’s a OH YEAH BABY! If you just want to play or watch, that's totally acceptable (providing the person you’re playing with or watching is comfortable with that, obv). The open-minded culture at most parties sets a relaxed and respectful tone, so that people can focus on what matters – a connection. Most parties operate a PAL system to ensure safety, which means you have to attend with someone you know and who can vouch for you.
4. What should I wear?
Commercial parties like Killing Kittens, Heaven Circle and Torture Garden (to name a few) will usually have a themed night – think corsets, suspenders, lingerie, latex, fetish wear and fun accessories. Private parties are more relaxed and can be an ‘anything goes’ approach. Chances are it’ll be coming off anyway and you’ll end up going home in a taxi sans underwear – so don’t wear your expensive stuff.
5. How naked do I have to get?
It depends how comfortable you are with public nudity, but there are no set rules. A question I always used to get asked was ‘how do you know when to get naked?’, and the answer is – whenever you feel like it, and you feel like it. There’s no specific time where everyone just decides to get naked together; it’s normal to be sitting and chatting with someone while someone next to you is receiving a blow job or having sex. That’s the bit that takes some getting used to…
6. What should I bring?
Toys, protection and lube. And a spare pair of panties for that cab journey home
7. Should I go with a friend or partner?
Some of the best nights at sex parties I’ve had are on girls’ nights out (just make sure you’re comfortable seeing each other naked, because it WILL happen). Going with a girlfriend also makes it easier to look out for each other and works if you’re single. But plenty of couples are also on the scene together and if you’re thinking of exploring it with a partner it could be a fun, hot, fantasy experience you both share together.
8. Will going to a sex party ruin my relationship?
There’s no easy answer to this one, but it’s a good idea to have a frank conversation with your partner before going. Not everyone will feel comfortable in such an overtly sexual environment and jealousy is a common issue. If one of you has reservations, there’s a good chance that these insecurities will bubble up to the surface at a party. If you do decide to go together, agree some boundaries and ground rules beforehand so you’re both clear on the do’s and don’ts.
To read more musings by 'The Damsel' then check out her blog here; https://thedamselsays.wordpress.com/
Image source; https://aryanskynet.wordpress.com/2016/12/17/eyes-wide-shut-2/