Women have become the masters of faking it.
We fake being comfortable in heels.
We fake being demure when we want to be assertive.
We fake being a princess when we want to climb that tree.
We fake being full when we actually want three courses.
And we fake our orgasms.
Around 50-65% of women have faked at some point.
Why do we do this?
At school age girls are ahead of the boys - partly because they're more confident to put their hands up and ask questions and admit they don't know. It's like they intrinsically know that they can't get better or know more without putting up their hand.
So where does that go? At what point is it knocked out of our girls? Where do they learn to suppress their curiosity, quieten their voice, put more importance on their outfit than their activity and hide their wants in case they're deemed 'a bit much'?
Well, the answer is everywhere and everything.
When I was growing up, almost every book, movie and TV show reinforced the message that if a woman wanted to avoid rejecting from her pack (primarily one of the worst, more life threatening situations) then she should adjust her behaviour and aesthetics to remain acceptable. Look at the Disney Princess - in so many books and movies that we feed our children - she is at the extreme end of the ultimate female - always beautiful, always demure, always attractive to the dreamy Prince, always wanting to be saved, always getting in a little muddle and then being saved, always by a man. She certainly isn't putting her hand up and learning about String Theory. She certainly isn't making the loudest, funniest joke at the party.
I could go on and on but let's talk about sex baby.
I'm going to keep this short as I'm hoping that anyone who is in the Fake Brigade will march immediately to their nearest relationships/ consensual/ happy sex person and make that change- to have a real, proper, leg shakey orgasm.
And if you need any other reason other than a real orgasm is incredible and good for the skin to name but one of the health benefits, then it's one step for a woman in the sack and it's giant leap for womankind.
If you're a guy, who adores his woman, and all you need to project her into ungodly pleasure is to thrust thrust wham bam thrust, then they think that's all that's needed. And let's say you move on form each other, or he chats to his friends, that is only reinforcing the idea that women who need clitoral stimulation or foreplay or oral sex are 'difficult' because 'my other girlfriends came really quickly and easily and all the time and I didn't need to even do anything'.
I mean. Save a sister.
It's no one's fault. The woman doesn't win - the guy doesn't win (I mean, just look at the reaction when they experience the real thing - there is no faking a real orgasm when they get the chance to see it - it's most definitely worth the wait) so what is the fruckin point.
By the way, I know how hard this is. That is you've been faking it, even in a relationship as long as a few weeks, it's hard to do that massive U-turn. It's a veritable feast of emotions - it's embarrassing, it feels greedy, it feels unfeminine - there are lessons we've learnt from birth and they are bone deep and very hard to challenge - you might even question whether it will be the end of the relationship.
So please do not read this piece as criticism - I've been there- i understand the reasons and they are complex and different for everyone - but I hope that this word splurge is encouragement, a call to arms, one step closer to you sitting at the table of sex rather than being the waitress.
One of my favourite articles on this subject is https://www.gq.com/story/sexy-faking-it
Also read this by the fab Dr Karen - www.thehavelockclinic.com/2017/11/28/womens-orgasm-a-feminist-issue/
Ok that's it. I need to go and charge my vibrator.