I have never been someone who thought dating sites would be an option. I never really got down with the maybe-you’ll-meet-your-life-partner-online thing. Although my friends have told me success stories about people getting married or finding someone decent, I wasn’t convinced. Why would I want to meet up with a stranger from the internet who tells me he’s 6ft and a dream with the world at his feet and bags of ambition, when he’d probably turn out to be shorter than any petite range will cater for, and a creep to boot? No thanksI
My wonderful friend Leanne thought it would be a great idea for me to jump on Tinder as a way of meeting guys. I was skeptical and unenthusiastic, but she literally grabbed the phone out of my hand and set up the profile, before I could properly protest. She added my pictures, then started off writing the bio, leaving me to complete it. I got a three-minute tutorial and a stern ‘remember to swipe right if you like them. Don’t get mixed up because if you swipe left you never see their profile again.’ And with that she left me to peruse what was on offer.
Before you even get to the actual ‘dating’ part of the online dating process, you must first find someone to date. Simple enough right? No. A dating profile should be an advertisement of your amazingness, with decent photos, a short bio that entices, but doesn’t give away too much. There were many a flaw or issue with at least 75% of the profiles I came across.
My main bug bear was men with group shots for profile photos. Sometimes their initial photo was a solo one, and I still couldn’t pick them out from any of the group shots that followed. And let’s be honest, if your initial photo isn’t all that, its going to be a left swipe for you. ‘Put your best foot forward’ and all that. Also, sunglasses were also a problem, as well as badly taken pictures. I don’t care how gorgeous you think you look from the side with your shades on, let me see your eyes! A lot of men posed for photos with an animal. I’ve seen selfies with dogs, camels, sheep… the list goes on. I wholeheartedly believe men think women will melt and gush with love when seeing a good-looking man pose with his mutt. Not. Me. There is nothing attractive about you kissing your dog. Nothing at all.
And that was just issues with the photos. Profile bios were a whole ‘nother issue. I flicked through profiles with absolutely no bio. Merely the standard details - how many kilometers away you are, your name, and your age. No words about how funny you are, how you’re going to rock my world, or what you like to do in your spare time. That doesn’t even give me the opportunity to work out if you’re a fuckboy or not. Very unfair. It says a lot about someone if they cannot be bothered to fill in their profile.
So, after I sifted through all the dodgy profiles, I progressed to the match stage where I attempt to try and get to know strangers. One guy out of god knows how many matches makes the cut. One guy. His opening remarks are witty and hilarious, he’s confident and attentive. He asks for my number two hours later and I immediately hand it over. Our text conversation escalates to phone calls a few days later. Spark of the century, I believe! He is just as funny over the phone as he appears in his messages. We make plans to go out the weekend of my birthday. His idea. I was extremely flattered.
All going well right? Right. Until, that is, the week of my birthday (ironically). On my birthday morning he texts me to say Happy Birthday, but come lunch time, the messages have dwindled to nothing. I resolve not to contact him again, and as a result I don’t hear from him. Fast forward to the night before our proposed date, and I get fed up of wondering. I force myself to text him, light heartedly asking if we are still on for our date. He reads the message, doesn’t respond. By this time, I have fully convinced myself we are not going anywhere together. On date day I get a phone call at 8am. Totally dazed and confused I am woken out of my sleep, but pick up the phone and wait to hear the inevitable. “Some work came my way, and I am not able to turn it down,” he says. I tell him its fine and I understand, when it makes no sense, but I don’t see the point in making it a big thing. I’ll skip to the end and tell you that, I spoke to him twice that same day, with me sending the last message and then he never replied, and I didn’t hear from him again. I blocked him soon after.
Now the best bit about the whole story is that I got my friend to add him on Instagram (because a little snooping never hurt anyone), and discovered he did not look quite like he did in the photos he had sent me. I got a whole different vibe about his personality just from scrolling through his page. I was quite glad we did not end up meeting up, as I realized that not only would I have had trouble recognizing him, I would have been extremely disappointed!
Thank you, Tinder for proving my original claim *insert eyeroll emoji*. I found someone I liked, and they were not what they portrayed themselves to be. Does it put me off internet dating all together? I don’t think so. I’m not scarred by it, and I wouldn’t actively dissuade anyone from trying them. I believe dating apps work for some, however, maybe not for me right now.
Check out more of EL Formosa's writing on www.tro-unicorns.uk