Candice Brathwaite is a Presenter, Writer and co-founder of online campaign #MAKEMOTHERHOODDIVERSE. 29 years old and currently pregnant with her second child, she uses Instagram Stories to speak with two thousand women per day during her virtual chat show ‘TEATIME!’ She's a formidable force and when we met her we admit...a little bit of wee came out.
When not buried deep into her phone she presents online shows and interviews. Look out for her in 2018 as the presenter of new online parenting show ‘The Mothership’, guest appearance on Style Like U ‘What’s Underneath’ and upcoming news regarding her first book.
You can find her here @CandiceBrathwaite on Instagram & www.candicebrathwaite.com
The Hotbed was excited to speak to her... Okay Candice so at we're all about getting things out into the open when it comes to sex and relationships, what do you think are the biggest challenges when it comes to parents and maintaining a healthy sex life?
Definitely just making time for one another. No matter the age of the kid, there is always something happening that put’s them in between you and healthy sex life. After working all day (I especially would like to big up the stay at home mum’s when I use the term work) the last thing you want to do is put the kids to bed and then feel like you have one more chore to do. And unfortunately, that’s how it can feel.
I think the second biggest challenge and this surprisingly goes for both men and women, are changes in their bodies. If you’ve met your partner in their twenties, it’s highly unlikely that rock hard abs and perky tits are still going to be on the menu because gravity and time are in a committed union which is dedicated to making you look a little more weathered. Not feeling as sexy as they once did can be quite a confidence knock for anyone, which of course then makes sex unappealing.
And why do you think so many are unhappy with their sex lives?
I think so many are unhappy simply down to a lack of judgement free communication. One of the New Years resolutions my husband set for me is for me to actually say what I mean and not take the long way round. That made me realise how more often than not, I’m not saying exactly how I feel, nor what I want. The same goes for sex but it’s even worse because there is still so much shame and embarrassment connected.
It's so true- it is all about better communication- it's something we hear time and time again. And we all have horrible experiences, what was your most embarrassing sexual experience?
Oh my word, I can’t believe I’m even semi sharing this, and I say semi because i just cannot go into detail. But having a double cheeseburger before performing oral sex will only lead to tragedy and the need to have a shower and change the sheets. Let everything digest first!
Our minds are boggling. It actually sounds quite sexy! Fast food and sex! What advice would you offer up? Anything that's really helped you in your relationship?
The only advice I have would to just try and maintain the habits you had when things were new. Try and commit to a child free date night. But also commit to time alone. Maintain a hobby which means you’re not just staring at each other every night. Have things going on outside of your relationship so you’re able to bring fresh things to bedtime conversation. It won’t just be ‘Oh did you put the dishwasher on?’ type talk. All of this is the stuff that leads to a better sex life because you’re both still able to find each other stimulating.
And what advice would you offer up to your own kids when it comes to sex?
Urgh that is a tough one. But primarily, it will always beg about safe sex. I once sat in on someone being diagnosed with HIV and I don’t think I’m over that yet. It was a massive wake up call for me. I hadn’t yet been that promiscuous but like many young people I took risks. Luckily, I came out unscathed but it just takes one encounter. I want my children to both have healthy sex lives but I’ll be honest that the advice still does differ between the sexes. If I ever have a son, it will be constantly communicating that no means no and he is not entitled to anyones body nor should he be having sex just to please himself. And when it comes to my daughter, I want her to know it’s never ok to feel pressured into doing anything. And if and when she does choose to engage in sex, she should make having an orgasm her priority because life is too short not to.
And if you want to watch Candice and Anniki discuss Sex after Kids with the fab Helen Thorn from The Scummy Mummies, then check out The Mothership episode here: