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A Dad's Perspective on Sex After Kids

February 25, 2018

We want The Hotbed to be inclusive and have male and female perspectives on sex and relationships. In this post a Dad shares his experience of going through a sex break with his wife and how he looks forward to things picking up again. It's important that we keep these channels of commuication open- sometimes women think their partner is losing interest when really, they're longing to re-boot intimacy too. This Dad shares his story...

 

 

 

'I am currently sat watching the rugby whilst my wife is in our bed with our nearly two year old fast asleep. I am staring at a pile of washing that needs to be folded and contemplating what else needs to be done for said nearly two year olds birthday party in two days. I’m also contemplating having a wank. And my wife knows this. It has been two years since my wife and I last had sex-sex that actually induced our little bundle of joy(I’m still very proud of that ‘pump and squirt’ that started the birth!) and although we have fumbled, co-sleeping has really put an actual barrier between us.

And I’m ok with that. I really am. I know that we will have sex again. I know that she still finds me attractive even in my bleach stained joggers and oversized hoody. Even when I’m being “grumpy daddy” because she hasn’t emptied the bin again. Because kids-and in particular having a baby-gets in the way of relationships and it sure as hell gets in the way of sex in relationships.

I long for the days of spontaneous sex in the middle of the afternoon and spending (literally) hours seeing how many times I could make her come by just using my mouth (9!)

However I also understand that my wife doesn’t feel her body is her own anymore. How the stories from her NCT WhatsApp group of the husbands getting pissed off and threatening to leave because they haven’t had sex after the six weeks are up mean that these women have given into them. How the pressure leaving her job and going self employed has made her feel more vulnerable than ever before.

And I’m ok with that. I don’t want quick sex. I want proper back arching, sweat dripping, tongue licking, “chokey-pokey” fucking. If anything the waiting has increased our wanting.

The nearly two year old is at the childminders on Tuesday and we have agreed to have the afternoon in bed. Even if we just lay there together, I’m ok with that. Because just like the Guinness advert that has just flashed up; “Good things come to those who wait”'

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